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Ms. Taken Blog

From the folks who help you fend off douchebags with the Ms. Taken Femme Fatale Ring.

Take a look. We dare you!

10 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

So Much Wrong in this Pic

Your Monday laugh (and cry), courtesy of Tabloid Prodigy.

smoker2

So many terrible things are happening here. And can someone tell me what that weird yellow stuff is in that red cup by her elbow?

Ick.

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10 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

Are you Dating a Creeper?

Don't let him near you.

11 Points has a blog post on some good red flags to look out for when dating. It’s from the perspective of a guy dating a girl, but there are still some useful pointers. And because I’m your BFF, I’ve copied the best ones below:

Basic, basic, basic grooming failures. Another personal story. I was on a date with a girl and she was wearing very short sleeves; one of those t-shirts women wear that have sleeves that barely cover the upper arms at all.

At one point, when I was next to her, she raised her arm… and my eyes caught something. An incredible hairy armpit. Like, one that must’ve taken a few weeks to grow, minimum.

And that was it for me. Because while I get that it sucks being a woman and there’s all sorts of grooming stuff that men could never dream of… armpits are a basic, basic, basic one. I’m not asking for pristinely plucked eyebrows or painful waxing jobs.

If someone neglects basic grooming during the dating phase — the phase when you’re trying to impress at all costs — imagine how much they’re going to go to hell if you settle down together.

The male equivalent of this would be a glaring unibrow, visible stains on a shirt or giant ungainly fingernails. If you can’t nail those basics on an early date, you don’t get it.

Sex talks with parents. I don’t get adults who consult with their parents about early relationship stuff or, even worse, about sex stuff.

When I was with my ex-girlfriend, I was at her mom’s house one day and overheard a conversation between her 20-year-old brother and her mom. He was complaining because his girlfriend wanted to get a lower back tattoo. And he said to his mom, and I quote, “I don’t want to look at that when I’m fucking her from behind.”

Do not date someone who’s comfortable saying that phrase to their parents. In fact, don’t date someone who’s comfortable with the notion that his or her parents are aware of the concept sex from behind.

Suspect photos in the room. Photos I don’t trust in their room? Several prominently displayed photos of the person with their ex… a photo of the person posing by themselves when they’re not on vacation just, like, around the house… or more than three photos of the person with their grandma.

There rest is here.

10 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

This Party Took a Turn…for the Douche

Two of my favorite girls on Youtube, Riki “Garfunkel” Lindhome and Kate “Oates” Micucci, have a new rap parody out called “This Party Took a Turn for the Douche.” You will watch it. Right now.

They’ve got a whole mess of other stuff on their channel page.

07 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

D-listed Claims Maru is July’s Top Slut

And now on to some very important news. D-listed, who we follow like an ugly 14 year-old follows the popular girls with boobs, has released its Slut of the Month. It’s Maru, the hilarious Japanese cat.

maru

Is he not the cutest thing ever? And apparently he’s a huge slut. In case you’ve never heard of this cat–you unpopular shut-in!–then watch this video below and be amazed. More on Youtube.

07 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

Weekly Douchebag Overload: Hipster Olympics

Alright, so this video made its rounds on the internet a while back, but I feel the need to post it. This video is EPIC in the amounts of douchebaggery shown. But it’s a different kind of douchebaggery. It’s not the usual frat boy, popped collar, orange tan look. It’s the overly hipster look THAT IS INVADING AMERICA. Its made by the guys and gals at Poykpac (no, I don’t know what that means). They’ve got a bunch of other videos on their site, as well as a epilepsy-inducing color palette.

I love it!

07 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

Give this Article to All Men: 9 Words Women Use

angrywomanAll Women’s Talk has an article for today about some common words used by women and what they actually mean. I’ll post a couple here, then you’ll have to get your lazy butts over to their site to read the rest.

#3. “Nothing”

This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

#4. “Go Ahead”

This is a dare, not permission. Don’t do it.

#5. “Loud Sigh”

This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

Have any of your own you’d like to add? Put something in our comments and I’ll add it. Read the rest here.

06 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

11 Funny Strip Club Signs, and I’ve NEVER Worked at any of them

Via 11points.com. They’ve rounded up 11 hilarious strip club signs–most are intentional, but who names their place “Vaginas are Us?” Come on. I mean, that’s my screenname for my eHarmony ad, but no one seems to respond to it. Hm.

One of them is a local landmark here in Seattle: The Lusty Lady!

lustylady

According to 11Points, the left-hand Latin text means “I came, I saw, I came.” The right-hand text is “At one’s pleasure, by one’s own hand.” Someone working there is obviously over-qualified.

Here’s another in case you’re a lazy ho:

chixondix

Let me just say this: I HAVE NEVER WORKED HERE. The lady you know as “Hairy Rhonda” is a distant, similar-looking cousin of mine. Not me.

Via 11points.com

06 August 2009 ~ View Comments

Glamour Shots Gone Wrong

*Update: Whew, had some technical difficulties with this post, but it should be all back together now! Enjoy*

Glamour shots are always a bad thing, but these are unspeakably terrible. Big Stupid Idiot rounds up 20 of the absolute worst. I’ve posted some of the worst with my own comments because I’m a snarky biotch. Link to the full article here.

Here's Amanda! Also known as just "MANda." She spends her off time collectiving stamps and setting off the Amber alert warning at the local Toys'R'

Here's Amanda! Also known as just "MANda." She spends her off time collectiving stamps and setting off the Amber alert warning at the local Toys'R'Us.

This is Sandy, a simple country gurl. I love the way the hat is shining.

This is Sandy, a simple country gurl. I love the way the hat is shining.

bev

HOLD THE PHONE. Does this lady not remind you of Chris Farley playing Beverly Gelfand, that lady reading Zagat’s magazine? Let’s compare:

Yes, exactly the same.

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06 August 2009 ~ View Comments

Daily Stupid Video: Doggy Poo Collector

Introducing the PooTrap, the magic poop collector. Also known as a ziplock strapped to your dog’s balls. To show how the product works, the whole ad is focus shots on dogs taking dumps. I think I’m going to vom in my mouth.

From our friends over at Dumb as a Blog.

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06 August 2009 ~ Comments Off

New Web Comedy MERRIme

*Update: Omg just realized this has Tony Hale in it! He played Buster on “Arrested Development”*

Our friends over at The Frisky have started a new web comedy called MERRIme,

“a new web comedy starring Kaily Smith, about trust fund baby Merrideth Weisman’s headfirst plunge into the deep end of the online dating pool. In Episode 1, Mr. Weisman threatens to cut Merri off. Her friends, MAC and Jess, try to console her and themselves. Merri goes on her first online date, and to her surprise, DoogieDoc20 is not who she expected.”

We think it’ll be great. The first (short) episode is below.