“You are the X in my formula. I don’t need a Y”

“It’s supposed to hit 98 degrees today in Cincinnati? I certainly hope that doesn’t mean Nick Lachey will be in town.”

“I am a VIP here, I pretty much own that booth over there.”

After taking a shot “I just puked in my mouth….Oh well”

“Excuse me. I’m from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and im going to have to ask yu to assume thee position.”

“Are you parents retarded? Cuz your a special girl ;-)

“Is that a ninja in your pants, cause your ass is kickin’”

*screaming on the dance floor* “HEY!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU!!!!!!!!! YEA YOU!!!!”

(via LydiaMurphy, who experienced this douchebag endeavor & ran for her life)

“Couldn’t help but overhear you complainin’… how about I shut you up and buy you a drink?”

“Want to go halves on a bastard?”