“I forgot to shave my legs.. ugh! I’m bout to start a brush fire up in here!”

“You’re SOOoo the shit girl! You be stinkin this place up!”

“girl u got curves like the freeway”

“I have a tattoo on my dick. Want me to put words in your mouth?!”

“I have $25 dollars to my name and it’s dollar beer night. I’m in heaven.”

“I told her I’d give her some of the cream I was using so she didn’t get my warts. That’s when I realized I was too drunk.”

Social Media

“If someone shaves their ‘downstairs’ area and cleans your bathroom for you, you kinda have to admit the relationship on Facebook.”

He’s A Sucker For Married Women

“I don’t remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.”

Stinkiest Dance Party Ever

“DUDE! We should start a dance party thing at the gym every Friday! Just work out and then dance go with sweaty babes!” “I’m in!”

A Hit & Hit On!

“I know I hit you with my car earlier, but can I still buy you a drink?”